Saturday, April 3, 2010

Public, Like a Frog

Hello to the Blogosphere and to the humans who inhabit it! And welcome to my blog, "Adoption and Other Mysteries." As the "and Other Mysteries" part of the title indicates, this blog won't be just about adoption, but my most "advanced degree" happens to come from being an adoptive mother. Adoption, in my experience, speaks of some of life's deepest mysteries, it is the teacher from which I have learned more than from any other. In this blog I hope to share some of what I've learned as well as what I still want to learn about the relationship called adoption and how it's connected, even if remotely, to other parts of life.

Deciding to share thoughts about adoption over the internet makes me think about the strains of secrecy/denial versus truth/openness that have run through the history of adoption. As beautiful and sacred as adoptive relationships are, they are impossible without events that we would rather not have happened, like untimely pregnancy, giving up a child, infertility. When life gets messy we humans tend to judge harshly, we want to sanitize it, to push out the "bad elements," to not talk about it or keep others from talking about it. And when the chance to speak finally comes, we often explode with pent up anger, lashing out at the nearest target. Adoption is not the big secret it once was, but honest discussion about it still takes courage. In addition, it takes skill to speak out while respecting the privacy and confidentiality of others. My children, for example, have let me know in no uncertain terms that they do not want to be discussed specifically in this blog. I admit, for my part, that it's a little scary to be exposing my heart to the big, dark Blogosphere, especially to the the raw elements of adoption. Yet, the strange and untimely, recent death of my sister prods me, reminds me that all of us have a choice to articulate and share what we know, such as it is, possibly shedding a bit of light on someone else's path, or to take it to our graves. I know something, partial but real, about adoption. This blog is my humble offering, with love.

The following poem by Emily Dickenson isn't exactly about adoption, but it is about speaking out to the world. It could be, in an opposite kind of way, the anthem of the fledgling blogger, who, armed with only their little heart-gift, is about to go public.

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog[or blog]!